Learning How To Listen
One of the most basic skills is to listen to what the other person is trying to convey to you and to try to make sense of it. However, it is often done incorrectly by many people. The worst part is that no one realizes that they are doing something wrong since their self-esteem would never allow them to question even this most basic thing from their skillset. They will always claim to listen properly and yet they will not understand the original message that was intended to be conveyed. Sometimes the original meaning can also become warped into something else entirely leading to a whole new set of problem rather than fixing the original one. When one is not able to find the underlying issue to their problems, it can either lead to frustration or worse them blaming something else entirely.
To listen properly is to always try to reach the meaning that was intended to be delivered. Of course, there can be cases where the speaker is not clear enough about their thoughts as well. But, you should still try to make sure that you are not doing anything to impede the process. After all, not understanding something is normal and you can ask questions and listen to the answers again, but not listening will make you believe that you understand something perfectly even if that understanding is wrong to begin with. It can also lead to you deeming something unworthy of your attention only to end up with regret in the future as you will miss the opportunities that were presented to you.
As you know, listening is one of the most easy things to mess up without even realizing it. So, in order to help you avoid that, here are some of the things you should be aware of in your daily life to not let that happen.
Stop Thinking Too Much
When you are trying to listen to someone else, you need to stop thinking yourself in order for you to actually hear what is being said. If you keep thinking like how you normally do, then your mind will not focus on listening or rather it will try to focus on multiple things at once. This will make it more likely that you will miss out on the actual meaning of what was said.
Consider, for example, if someone is trying to tell you how they are not feeling good these days but they pronounce some word incorrectly. Now, if you do not actively stop yourself from thinking whilst the other person is speaking, you will start to inevitably think about the correct pronunciation in your mind. This makes you lose focus on listening. This is but one example, anything that may be relatable to you might also draw your attention, and you might even find yourself immersed in nostalgia by some thing that the other person has said only to miss out on why they actually shared their thoughts with you. So, next time you are trying to listen to someone else, try to stop your thoughts as much as possible and only focus on consuming the things that are being said to you at this moment. It is inevitable that you will think about the things that are being said to some degree and even find relatable events to the things that are bring said, however, your main focus should not deviate from listening to what the other person has to offer.
Stop Assuming Too Much
If you are listening to someone else, you should try to keep your assumptions to bare minimum to actually receive the meaning properly. Often times, people will either already have an opinion or they will make an opinion about the topic of the conversation half-way through the other person’s monologue. This leads them to making assumptions about things like what the “right” answer should be for an issue or how the other person is wrong to begin with by not following your made-up assumption. If you do end up in such scenarios, then you will only listen to what you want to listen and disregard everything else.
The correct approach should be to listen to what the other person has to say objectively and try to put yourself in their shoes before making the final decision about the whole situation. This should only be done after the other person has concluded so as to not have any effect on your thought process by new information that might have been missed had you made an assumption earlier on.
Stop Interrupting Too Much
You should never interrupt someone when they are speaking. This is not only about being polite but also about not missing anything what the other person has to offer. Even if think you know exactly what the other person is going to say or even if you know that they have made a mistake midway, you should not interrupt them so as to not break their rhythm. That is because, often times, you will find yourself thinking that you know it all and interrupt someone only to end up looking like a hasty fool when the other person had a twist at the end. By letting other people finish and waiting patiently, you are not only being a better listener who will give the best response possible based on complete information, but you are also letting others vent out their pent-up frustrations to allow them to unload their hearts. Even if someone is wrong, they will still be wrong even if they complete what they are saying. In fact, it might be possible that they are wrong on more than one thing so it is better for you to wait it out and point out all of the issues in one go rather than stopping them again and again.
Conclusion
When you are next trying to listen to someone else in the future, try to evaluate how you do on the above mentioned things and see if incorporating them in your life improves your listening skills or not. One other thing that I would like to mention is that often times the other person would speak his meaning not in a monologue but rather in the form of a conversation. In such cases, you should try your best to not steer away the topic of the conversation to yourself before you are absolutely certain that you have indeed addressed the other person’s intended thoughts so they can feel relieved that they have also accomplished their purpose in having that conversation with you. It is a continuous leaning process so try to evaluate yourself on as many things as you can and try to make listening an active skill rather than a passive one.
