We have often heard the old saying from English poet John Donne that “no man is an island” which implies that no man is self-sufficient and that everyone relies on others. But, the interpretation most people have of this saying is not exactly the right one. Even though it is true that a person relies on others, it is never specified who constitutes the “others”. For example, people often advise others to forgive a person they know as everyone needs that mutual human connection and warmth of a relationship but, there are billions of people in the world and you do not need to rely on any one of them specifically. What this means is that everyone is perfectly able to live like an island from the perspective of any other individual. What he or she needs is not a connection to any one of the other people specifically but any few to live in prosperity. Using this saying to convince yourself to keep forgiving someone is not the way to keep yourself happy as you are sometimes allowing yourself to get hurt again and again. Before I get to what really does make a different, I just want to mention that having a positive outlook in all cases in life is an extremely difficult thing to do but it is also very easy once you do understand and change the way you think and approach certain things. Nevertheless, I can say with absolute certainty that a more hopeful and pragmatic approach to life can lead to exponentially more happiness than the alternative.
The first thing I think most people need to remember is that in majority of cases, there are no bad people but rather bad situations that often turn good people into doing bad things to you. And it is a natural response to feel unhappy when something bad happens to you. This unhappiness is amplified the more closer that person was to you. However, this is not something that can be prevented as life is full of both the good and the bad. What you need to do is not to act unaware of your unhappiness but know that you actually do not need any other person to continue living in prosperity and that even if someone does a bad thing, you do not have to do a bad thing to him reciprocally. This is not what would make you feel happy as doing something bad will never make you content with your inner self.
The correct way to deal with such moments of unhappiness is to first realize that can make yourself more than self-sufficient even without the help of that particular individual. The second thing is to not act in a manner that does not suit you just because of that feeling of anger and frustration which comes from your unhappiness. What counters your unhappiness is not making the other person unhappy but rather making yourself happy. And as I said before, no matter how it may seem in that situation, you will not be happy after doing something bad i.e. something that you know in your heart to be bad. Instead, try to channel that anger into lowering your expectations from that person. Just as the feeling of unhappiness is multiplied the more closer you feel to a person, it is divided down the lesser your expectations are from that same person. Eventually, you will reach a state where you will feel complete and utter confidence in your ability to stay happy no matter how the other people around you change their behaviour. To me, this is when you find true happiness because your inner balance is no longer disrupted by the interference from outside.
Another thing that will help tremendously in making you happy is the exact opposite to something I said above about you not finding happiness by doing something bad. In any situation, doing something good for someone else without expecting anything in return will make you happy. The more that help was needed by someone, the more happiness it will bring to you. The only condition is that you should not have any expectations from the person that you are helping. Maybe if the roles were reversed, they would not have done the same or maybe they would have done it in a much bigger scale, but as long as you do not know for sure, you should not have any kind of expectations from them. Try to help them or add value to their lives without looking for anything in return, and I can guarantee that you will always at least get happiness in return from it.
I know most people would think that this message is the same they have heard about a million times before and it is just not possible for them in their current situation, but, I encourage everyone to think of this as a test experiment. The next opportunity you have to help anyone, no matter how big or small the scale may be, you will do it for once at least and expect nothing in return. If that does not make you happy somewhere down the line afterwards, you can know for sure that this cliché message is actually not true.
For me personally, I have found these two things i.e. having little to no expectation from someone, and doing good for others in need, to be the most definitive answer to the universal question which intrigued me for so long that “What makes me happy in life or what is my purpose?”. The exact meaning you extract and apply in your life will vary from person to person but I fully believe that the answer will generally stay true for everyone out there reading this. It may not seem like much but I implore everyone to at least try this once to see if it works for them or not. Good luck!
